Saturday, April 18, 2009

Consider the pickle

Consider it only briefly, and then take up arms and help other like (right) minded pickle haters to drive them from our midst.

I believe that pickles represent a problem with deep historical roots: Pickles are never mentioned as part of the limitless bounty available to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Clearly the pickle entered the scene after The Fall. I think it may well have been the case that it was a pickle that the Snake gave to Eve, rather than an apple. It makes a whole lot more sense to consider God becoming enraged at the sight of Adam and Eve munching away on a few gherkins than if they had been nibbling a nice apple.

One needn't look so far into the past to observe the calamitous effects of the pickle on our society. Even the most casual observer of the current political landscape in the United States will see the obvious impact of a life filled with pickle consumption. I can say with some certainty that the current crop of politicos are pickle lovers from way back when. If you can lie to yourself and believe that pickles are tasty and good, then how much harder is it to lie to everyone else?

Civilization is in a pickle (sic), and the only way out is to vigorously reject the demon pickle whenever and wherever you are accosted by one. It seems that all actions are ultimately defensible in the face of this green, briny tide of doom.

Pickle Joe, 4:56 PM

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